Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize