Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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