mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
