Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
