I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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