My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
