he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
