It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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