Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
