Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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