I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm both gender and math confused
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
