and you said cock pushups were impossible
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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