I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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