You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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