This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
