I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
