I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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