I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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