in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
