His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
