I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
