forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
