your parents love me but you hate me
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
