Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
