An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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