it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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