It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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