I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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