life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
