If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's the barista slut.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
