you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
