fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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