I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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