then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i dont even know how to be here
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
