ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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