EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
