Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
