this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
