Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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