I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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