Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize