I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize