My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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