So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
