He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
