Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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