Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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