I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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