i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
