You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
