Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
