you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
