It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
