mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
