As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
