I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
