found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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