remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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