shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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