he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
