I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
