My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
