home. puking in laundry basket.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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