roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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