My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
