put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize