She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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