she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
