i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
