After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
