.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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