Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
