so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
