you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
