When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
