I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
