Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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