i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
