Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
