Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
