i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
