you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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